Couard

How I envy others they could give love a chance

How I envy others who are so brave to survive the pain

Truth is that, I am a coward

I’m a coward because the fear grows everyday

I’m a coward because failure is all I’ve ever known

I hate people who changes their minds easily, because I, myself, has always been undecided

I hate myself for being afraid

I hate myself for being too careful

I hate myself for not taking the risks

Truth is that, I want that too

I want to have that someone who will hold my hand and tell me that everything’s going to be okay

I want to be with someone who will make me realize that there’s nothing to be afraid

I want to go on dates, I want to pack on long vacations

I want to have someone who will take away my insecurities

I want someone who will not stop my loudness, but also won’t force me to talk when all I want is silence

I want to have someone who will propose to me someday with the sincerest heart

I want to get married when the time comes

I’ve always dreamed of preparing for my wedding

I want to have someone waiting for me in the altar wearing a tux

And I, am wearing the most beautiful gown with the brightest smile on my face

I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who will take care of me, and in return I’ll do the same to him

I want to have children and kiss and hug them everyday

I’ll be the best wife

I’ll be the most amazing mom…

But I am a coward

The pain goes away, yet the fears stay

I fear that true love will not come to me

I fear that everything is temporary

 I fear that all expectations will never be reality

I fear that the love I so wanted the most will be the death of me

I know,

I’m a coward

I know…

Remember the F Word

I remember the last time we stood like ourselves

We were then hidden behind those books stacked in the shelves

Do you still remember that time when we all started with nothing?

And how come now, it feels like we can conquer everything?

 

I remember the first day of high school

Back then our classmates act like they’re so cool

I’ve known some of them but each one felt like a stranger

And when we’re together, It felt like I’ve known you since forever

 

All my years in high school has been significant to me

That time it became a place where I belong to be

There, I always come not just to learn

I came to build memories that I know never will burn

 

I remember how we laugh so hard till we can hardly breathe

And how we make fun of ourselves until we stomp our feet

Back then we seemed so happy and carefree

We’re like birds starting to spread our wings and break free

 

What they don’t know is that we shed tears like no other

A pain of one, is a stab to five of us altogether

When one of us cries, we shed tears too

And then we’ll crack jokes until all of us are screwed

 

I remember when they tried to rank us like a hierarchy

When we’re all raised in a republic of democracy

How come in friendship we should be ranked

Maybe that’s the reason that their friendship sank

 

I remember how honest we all ought to be

We criticize each other as if we’re cursing on a tree

We tell the truth though sometimes they’re painful

Just so they know, friends should always be faithful

 

I remember that time we don’t care if we have money

But we still live each day like there’s no room for worry

I’ve lost count how many times we acted so mean

We always make fun of others, what are we then, fifteen?

 

Later on we parted ways

In our own shelves of books, we can no longer stay

We thought our separation would make us weaker

Now we know, that the space we had has made us all stronger

 

I remember all the challenges that we’ve been through

And all those times that were too good to be true

All those memories that stick to my brain like a glue

I hope they all matter to you too

 

I remember the first day we’ve been together

I remember the laughter, the struggles, and the success that came after

It does not matter now when or where did all those happen

It’s the feeling of still being together now, that is already heaven

 

For all those times are like treasures in my treasure chest

They were hidden in my heart for they are the best

When all those memories I do remember

When did we started our forever?  I can’t remember!

Invisible Me

 

When I first had the sight of you, I know its love

My heart fluttered as if I’m already holding a wedding dove

Just a glimpse of you makes me feel like going crazy

All I see is you, and everything in the background looks so blurry

 

All week I anticipate the day you would play

That hot, sweaty look you can wear the whole day

I dream of you without any clothes in your closet except from your Jersey

And also those muscles that always take away the insanity in me

 

But I like you not just for fame and physicality

You’re the kind of man that would take every loss as an opportunity

I like you because you’re kind to everybody

I just hope one day I’ll see you looking and smiling at me

 

When I heard you have a girlfriend my world was torn apart

I felt like I lost myself, I didn’t know where to start

Those admissions of love for her has always broken my heart

What’s with her, I also eat a lot of egg tart!

 

When the bomb of your breakup exploded

I definitely had my party gears loaded

I know you’re broken, but I’m so sorry baby

In my whole life, I have never been this so happy

 

But just for this time, could I ask you seriously?

That can you please take a simple girl like me

Compared to others I’m not that confident and pretty

I’m just me and there’s nothing else I could be

 

Oh babe why didn’t you chose to be a scientist

So that you can discover that in this world I do exist

In this pool of girls that surround you, maybe they’re better than me

And maybe I’ll be a forever invisible fan girl, that’s what it ought to be.